Of course Hozier sent me into an existential crisis
Unreal Unearth and Unreal Levels of Introspection featuring Zane Lowe
Since the album dropped on August 18th, I have listened to at least one song daily from Unreal Unearth. Most days, I play the whole album top to bottom and repeat certain songs in the middle at least twice (coughs in Damage Gets Done).
I have loved Hozier since Take Me to Church. Every single album, from the Self-titled one to the most recent, has held me through Life phases.
Hozier recently did a lovely and introspective interview with Zane Lowe (one of my favourite interviewers, by the way). It was nearly an hour of utterly scintillating conversation. They spoke about so much and packed in a lot of depth in 53 minutes.
Here are two lines of conversation that stood out to me:
When it feels unnatural to do anything else, nothing in your body says you can’t do it.
That’s how you know you’ve found something worth sacrificing for, and that’s how I feel about writing and reading, books and stories, essays and poetry, publishing and media and film and music and art. It feels unnatural not to exist, work and contribute in that sphere.
Even in my deepest creative blocks, nothing in my body has ever said I shouldn’t be there. If anything, my body has always moved me towards the things that can break down the creative block to free me.
The work and everything you did don’t mean as much if you don’t acknowledge what it cost you.
I’m constantly thinking about cost and consequences, particularly because I’m a first daughter, a co-founder, and work in a crazy industry. This trinity of things means the hamster on wheels in my head rarely stops turning. I’m always calculating cause vs. effect, cost vs. returns, long-term vs. short-term, and risk vs. reward.
So, to hear Hozier and Zane talk about how the cost of doing the work can elevate the reward while still being a source of grief felt very familiar. In this context, the cost refers to sacrificing relationships and losing time you would have spent with your loved ones and how you can’t get that back.
Re: the first point about finding something worth sacrificing for, how then do we make peace with losing that time and potentially those people in the pursuit of the thing you’ve found? Well, I’m still calculating the risk vs. reward of that one. Ask me again in 5 years.
Or, if you know the answer now, I’d love to hear it; save me from some extra grief, will you?
What I’m Reading: My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh.
The main character of this novel is a piece of work. She’s so fascinating and so terrible I can’t look away. So far, here are three paragraphs that have stuck out to me:
"I took a Polaroid of her one night and stuck it into the frame of the mirror in the living room. Reva thought it was a loving gesture, but the photo was really meant as a reminder of how little I enjoyed her company if I felt like calling her later while I was under the influence."
"My first impression of him was that he was free spirited, clever, funny. That proved to be completely inaccurate. We left the party together and walked around for hours, lied to each other about our happy lives, ate pizza at midnight, took the Staten Island Ferry back and forth and watched the sun rise.”
"I’d hear them talk shit about the art. They lamented the success of others. They thought that they wanted to be adored, to be influential, celebrated for their genius, that they deserved to be worshipped. But they could barely look at themselves in the mirror."
I’m very curious to see how the book wraps up, and I’ll let you know when I get to the end.
May September be kind to you. Adios💙
P.s: Here’s the interview. Enjoy💙
Been reading the same novel this year. Taking my time with it as I do other things. Love your entry as always